you're like a bully in the Christmas story
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
