She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
