I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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