Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
