Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
