so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
