A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
