Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
