My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
