I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
