Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
