Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My vagina just recognized that song.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
