im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Hippo gnu deer
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
