come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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