someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
what day is it and did you see me today?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
