I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He did a backflip because drugs
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