why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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