He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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