i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
