you're like a bully in the Christmas story
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You've changed since you got that strap on
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