I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
