I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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