I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
