Got a toothbrush?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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