No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
