all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
