my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
