You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
