So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I have surprise drugs for everyone
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
