My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
