We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
