Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
