FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize