Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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