dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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