I'm going to jail i love you
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
