Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
