Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
