im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
