Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have already put on my inside pants.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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