Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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