these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
