I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
