You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize