I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
