last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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