I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
