Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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