I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
