can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
