Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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