I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
