The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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