So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
