I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
