I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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