You smell like stripper and shame
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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