I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dick very happy bro
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
