I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
