Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
