white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
