i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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