youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
